My Awakening Journey

 

 

 

My deep dive into my spiritual journey began the day I took this picture of myself, I had declared on that day that despite what others thought of my spirituality beliefs and experiences, I would continue down the same route that had sparked such wonder and enchantment for my individual life and all of it's miraculous magic. I declared to never change myself for anyone and to face adversity even when I was challenged by others opinions and perspectives. That day I stepped into another identity of who I wanted to one day become and who that woman would be that others were looking for. Before even realizing or understanding it, I was calling in my soul tribe, spiritual family and the beings who would learn my worth and know that I wasn't out to people please or be treated as a doormat or pushover. (Of course I am a Libra rising, so this has sometimes been a battle, as I am meticulous and I seek the logic, temperance and harmony in all people and things), however, I never declared that I was flawless, I vowed to myself that I would be a determined, consistent and ambitious woman on a mission, a work in progress, even if I did seem to the outer world; an extraordinary disaster. I promised myself that I would love myself no matter who or what would disagree, no matter how misunderstood, unseen or unheard I was. I declared that I would grow into become exactly who I was meant to be, and I would always embody my free spirit, my compassionate, kind and eccentric essence and I would never allow the world to make me bitter, with all that I had endured. I declared that I would live fiercely with love and gratitude illuminating my heart and a yearning to meet souls who would resonate, and who would see the tenderness, passion and fervor in my eyes. 

 

Within the early stages of Covid-19, even though I had been a ‘closet spiritual’ for 14 years and had felt a quiet fascination with spirituality as young as 10 years old. There were moments in my life when I knew that my intuition was clearer than any other advice I have been given, yet I didn’t always trust it. I also knew that as I grew older, I was becoming an extremely sensitive and emotional young lady. My circumstances growing up were dark at times and my childhood traumas and wounds carried into adulthood, within my relationships, habits, behaviors and mannerisms. My morals and values however remained unchangeable and I often set an unattainable standard upon myself to be this perfect version of who I was supposed to be. I battled with perfectionism like no other and I was a rebellious pushover for many years. It started in public school, where I felt bullied and taken advantage of, all the way up to high school, when I felt like it was safer to keep quiet, hold a handful of authentic friends and turn towards the small pleasures in life that aided in feeling fleeting moments of joy.

 

No matter the situation, I felt like I didn’t belong no matter what I did or didn’t do, and the sense of acceptance and love felt conditional. I longed for the simple things in life, the guidance through the most difficult of emotions and the safety within my own skin. I yearned to feel significant, and I lacked connection with most. The most fierce connection I had and held was with myself. I had limited family who understood me, who truly saw me for who I was, even when I felt like I hardly knew myself. Even though I felt alone and lost, and more-so than I wanted to admit at times; unapologetically numb. As I grew into my young adult years, I grew into an abnormal independence, a sense that I didn’t need or want anyone else to help me or come to my rescue. I didn’t want anyone to intervene or stamp their opinions and perspectives on me, or empathize or pity me. I ebbed and flowed through a period of finding myself and allowed myself to be free, whatever that looked like to me. I knew I had to experience life exactly how I was meant to, even if it did mean I would go at it alone. I didn’t always make the right choice, and I was far from perfect, that was a subconscious belief. I struggled in frustration through friendships and relationships, and soon work became the thing that filled the void. I was bitter with the definition of love and I grew to feel expendable in a world full of superficial connections, betrayal and suffering. So I switched my focus from what I couldn’t internally change to an aspect of my life in which I could pour my efforts and my ethic into to further feel of service, and of worth. I worked for companies without boundary or limitation knowing that I would reap the benefits of my hard work and grit. I felt validation and recognition like I had never before in my own family and I started to understand what it meant to belong. It wasn’t long before I started on my path of curiosity and seeking to understand why my life kept repeating in cycles and why it started feeling karmic in a sense. I felt at times like the Universe or God was punishing me for rebelling those many years previously. Even though I felt like I was dealt the challenges, obstacles and hard lessons for a legitimate reason, I questioned the patterns every single time. I lived in victim mode for most of my life, I had developed unhealthy codependency and habits within the relationships I had and dating always left me feeling empty and depleted inside. I had become worn out from the amount of situations that I had given beyond myself and kept feeling under appreciated, misunderstood, unheard, unseen and under valued. I never felt like someone’s priority, I consistently and constantly felt like everyone’s option. I failed over and over again seeking my own self worth within others. I never gave up however, no matter how many times that I stumbled, burnt out and would finally crash; I rose like a Phoenix through every season, through every lesson, and through every phase. I willingly soared each time I built the necessary courage and gathered the pieces of the puzzle from the teachings that I had discovered. My time for growth had finally begun and I felt like it was only the tip of what was to come. It always feels like a feat, when we accomplish something so mundane in life. And so it should be! Yet we do not often celebrate these minor victories in life. I can remember years back setting the bar for myself so high that I acknowledged the sabotage that I had experienced from my childhood and knew I had learned it from somewhere.

 

I was subconsciously creating a limiting belief within my own consciousness and every time I failed, I felt  those lingering emotions of unworthiness, defeat and pain. I would be trapped in the past, and the patterns would soon become my habits and I’d feel as though I was in a state of depression on repeat. I ached to understand what it meant to discover the meaning of life, to know what my gift was and how to unravel a soul gift or calling; when I could hardly get the basic of situations and the fundamentals in life right. Especially when I would be lightheartedly teased of being unchartered, unfiltered and completely unfettered. I was a wild woman in the troughs of her own doing, in a silent painstaking abyss, and yet I was wildly unaligned. 

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I owned my first Tarot deck at age 19 and it was finally a tool that could make sense of my decisions, happenings and my potential. I cleansed my Gilded Tarot in the moonlight in my window sill with what I know today to be Lemurian Quartz crystals. This deck travelled with me everywhere and it had seen many homes, many stages and many energies. It was a trustworthy companion through years of hardship and grief. I began to open my mind and discover the gift of spirituality and ancient wisdom through the years given to us by Socrates, Buddha, Gandhi and many other leaders healers, Gods, Goddesses, Angels, Ancestors and Deities. I broadened my horizons to what others found fearful or unknown, and I delved into the beginning of what resonated with me on so many levels, it was beautiful stories and depictions that I had either never heard before or only heard in fairytales and myths, on this was history. These were legends that had been set in stone and had created ripples within the world for centuries before me. A quote that I will never forget that has touched me for years written by Buddha “Just as a mother would protect her only child with her life, even so let one cultivate a boundless love towards all beings.” This was the moment I correlated and aligned with the type of inexpressible love that I felt in the moment I sensed butterflies in my womb caused by my baby boy. I embarked on a journey of selflessness and unconditional love in its truest most rare form in every opportunity possible. In the stillness of loving so deeply someone that I had not yet even met, my burning desire to become the best mother, caregiver, guardian and guide to my son was the one experience in my life that fueled me like no other. It felt like time couldn’t be any slower and I sang “A Drop in The Ocean” by Ron Pope to this sweet little innocent soul as often as I could to remind us both of the life that we knew we were going to fearlessly live. 

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Life has its ups and downs, surely, and I genuinely believe that my path was illuminated from the start. I just wasn’t quite sure how to activate it. I wasn’t familiar with how to ‘go within’ or how to meditate with purpose or intention. I didn’t even know the meaning of earthing or heathy living from the inside out. I went to counselling at times in my life, I took anti depressants, I developed unhealthy attachments to people, things and places and I still trusted too easily. I was known for wearing my heart on my sleeve and giving too much of myself with never feeling met nearly half way. My Clairsentience was an overwhelming sense of how sensitive and emotional I just was, and I didn’t even know what that was. I was a hot mess, a mother, a creative, a spiritual, a closet visionary, an independent, a workaholic, a side piece, an easy target, a doormat, just a plain delicate wildflower. 

 

When covid-19 hit in March 2020, I felt a sense of rapid change. With that change brought waves of emotional distress and an uncertainty in the world that I had never previously experienced. I had experienced upheavals and some of the most devastating memories and moments of my entire life. I felt aimless and cracked open, I felt vulnerable and broken. I wasn’t having a mid-life crisis like many accused me of, I was unlearning everything that I had throughout my entire adulthood and journey into life. I felt hopeless and still stuck in these never-ending lessons, these untangled webs. Little did I know, that being cracked open was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I was molded, pressured and tested through adversity to develop my grit and realize my potential from some of the most admirable leaders. I didn’t see it at the time, but I was only just beginning my path of spirituality. The stepping stones towards enlightenment are in levels of frequency and that frequency began with practicing integrity and compassion for all of the times in my life that I did not reach the standard that I set for myself. It also included all of the times that I failed and thought that because of that, I had no reason to prevail. It was in times like these, the leaders I had at the time reminded me of what I already knew and lit the fire under me and within me to keep going, even when I was inches away from allowing defeat to take over. At a moment in my life when I felt the most lost when I had finally thought that I had been on the path to greatness, and when I felt deceived, abandoned and left out in the cold; is when I actually undeniably found myself. In what we know to be the dark night of the soul, I retreated and I recharged and I rebuilt myself again. Knowing and believing that with each of these tower moments in my life, that I was tempering something within myself that would be soon ripping at the seams and rising up and out for the world to see. 

 

I was finally coming home to me. I was becoming the best version of me simply by following my own path of least resistance. I listened to and trusted my intuition much more knowingly than I ever had. Other moments in my life were impulsive and not thought out, they were calculated or I had protected myself with every bit of armor I could muster from within myself to survive. Yet within this instance, I knew my intuition was to be faithfully trusted, and I leaned into my Clair cognizance, that I didn’t even realize that I had. 

 

I have since leaned completely into my soul gifts and my light and have walked a path of resistance. I have taken part in many challenges that have ripped me open to truly accept all of the parts of myself that we’re longing to be loved and forgiven. I have followed leaders who have enlightened me and inspired me to look deeper within myself, to dine light on the ugly corners of who I’ve been. I’ve had coaches who have taught me immensely valuable wisdom and tools that I will carry with me forever. They who have taught me about our six universal human needs and how we have the ability to be living any type of life that we desire with others. I have sat in solitude and isolation and I have realized that it takes an insane amount of courage to sit and have an honest conversation with myself. About how I could be better, about how I could begin to forgive and choose love every time I felt uncertainty creep in, instead of fear. I have listened, absorbed and integrated and served those closest to me and I’ve heard much of the same repeated in patterns and cycles and conditions. I related to that, because I was there once, because I know how it felt to be unseen, unheard and misunderstood. I also know that the more we focus on what we don’t want, the more of that is what will come. We are the epitome of fruition, in whatever vehicle that looks like to you. We are creators, we are meant to procreate and we are meant to birth and be reborn. We are here to transmute our negativity into positivity. We are here to liberate ourselves, others, animals and the collective, as a human nation. Our souls know the way through this ascension process. I will tell you that, compared to what you may know, I am sharing from my personal experience, that our ascension process is not up, it is within. It’s why we hear so often that WE hold the key. We are always inheriting the abundance that is our birthright, our lives are glorious. Our lives are filled with unimaginable love & positive abundance. 

 

This is how I know that I am no longer living in a stagnant, fearful and anti climactic state. I meditate to attract the purpose for my highest good & potential. I step fiercely, bravely and knowingly into my inherited soul gifts. I bring these soul gifts into my own and I honor, cherish and treasure them deeply. I am grateful and radiating love for my awakened state and my alignment to the Divine, Mother Gaia, Source, God, Archangels, my Angels & Ancestors, my Starseed family, mentors & Council of Light members and my Spirit Tribe, that all collectively and Divinely guide me to reach my highest good & potential. I am the Light. I am the bridge between Heaven, Earth & the Cosmos. I am the light, you are the light and we are the light. 

 

As serving as it was to remain guarded and protective of myself for years, I never felt fulfilled in the way I knew I wanted to. I was never able to willingly open my heart with all in whom I desired to. I felt trust issues rise within me preventing me from flourishing in relationships and openly setting healthy boundaries. I made a decision to humbly release all ill serving and negative ancestral patterns, wounds & trauma from my past. I specifically released generational negative ancestral patterns, wounds & trauma. I made peace with my past and I forgave any maternal, paternal or ancestral connections & ties that had harmed me during the course of my life. I released shame, blame, guilt, lust, loathing & greed from my past, present & future. I learned from my karmic lessons, not always gracefully but with compassion in faith that it was at no harm unto myself or unto others. I have since entered into a transformation of self and am consistently breaking the chains, cutting the cords, and severing the ill intended connections to the past that had held me back in my present. I have and continued to call on the Archangels; Raphael, Michael, Uriel and Gabriel to heal, protect and embody my mind, body, heart and soul. I made a decision to leave the past where it’s meant to be, in order for me to flourish and thrive into my highest good & potentiality the present and now. I made a vow to meditate in this energy to further delve, awaken and align with my true purpose and fulfil my souls double mission. I always end my prayers, intentions, affirmations and incantations with gratitude and a confirmation that it has already been done, as it is our birthright to be our most authentic selves. So it is.

 

I know today that I am a catalyst for myself and others awakenings. I chose now to let myself be seen. I am actively calling in my soul tribe and creating a web of light throughout the planet. I call myself back from all times and all places. I am my own. I am confident that I contain the answers I seek. At any moment, and under any circumstances, I know that I can enter this sanctuary inside my heart. I can meet with my soul and merge with divine love, and I can choose this over fear. I can choose to allow my soul to lead me in this lifetime. I know that I am a bridge between heaven, earth and the cosmos. I am in service of love. In each moment, I return to the mediator between the worlds: my own heart. In each moment, I can choose to be with the truth, in the essence of integrity and I know that it’s always right here within me. I am becoming the best version of myself for my highest good & potential. There are no obstacles that I cannot overcome with compassion and love. I genuinely know to be true and believe that my double mission is to know myself on the deepest cellular soul level and along that journey, to guide and assist others on their path by raising the vibration of humanity and increasing the frequency of love. 

 

It’s safe to let go and move on from any thing, person or place that is no longer serving my highest good & potential. I am committed to my dreams and I move towards them with confidence. I am lucky to have you all here with me, witnessing and joining me on this prosperous path of health and wealth. I make time to have fun in my daily life and I willingly take the time to have important conversations while remaining calm and collected. I let go of that of which is falling away, I trust in the powerful, supportive and impactful energies of the higher powers of this Universe. I surrender to the help and guidance of my spirit tribe and I feel deep gratitude in my heart for everything they have done to this point and beyond for all that they continue to do. I feel my emotions, I allow them to flow through me with grace as they need to and I allow them to transmute. I am no longer focused on the past, because I know that life evolves every day. I have full belief that if I am healed, all is healed. The same applies for if we are healed, all is healed. I am aware of my feelings, and I am also prepared to move on from what no longer serves me, taking my next steps forward in life. 

 

If you’re ready to delve, awaken and align to what your Angels & Ancestors have to share with you, I am your guide and oracle assistance. I am here to help you no longer chase but attract what is meant for you in your life and in your soul mission. I am here to usher in and activate the light language codes of facing our true North and in remembering within my cells and chakras, to better serve you in your journey. I open my heart to new experiences, connections and collaborations. It is my inner compass when stepping outside out my comfort zone. My mission is to help you to delve into the unknown, awaken to your illuminated path and to come home to yourself in an enchanting and memorable alignment with who you are and everything that you have been born into this earth plane to be. 

 

Welcome to your ethereal awakening. 

 

Expanding the utmost of love & light from my heart to yours, 

 

Anja